Go Back   :::.Nissan 4x4 Owners Club.::: > General > The Clubs Virtual Pub > Jokes humor and fun

Jokes humor and fun Keep it clean(ish)

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-09-2017, 07:13   #1
briggie
Senior Member
Click here to find out how to become a paid up member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: peoples democratic republic of west yorkshire
Vehicle: " alice "
Posts: 10,473
Red face dear asda

Dear Asda,
Last week I purchased some of your "smart price" toilet tissue and I have some thoughts to share with you.
For my first use I folded it twice like I normally would, but it was so weak it broke, at which point I realised I had fingered myself. That's right. No romance, no weekend in Venice, just one swift digit up the wrong 'un in a cold bathroom in brighouse.
So what exactly is "smart" about "smart price"? My eyes certainly smarted a bit as I jabbed at my rectum. I spent the next few minutes in the saddest bathroom scene since Oscar Pistorius, debating whether to sacrifice a bath towel, a sock or the fleece of the first staff member I find at my local store.
A few more minutes passed, the anger subsided and I made a second attempt. You see this stuff might be half the price of branded stuff, but I found I needed to bandage it tightly 7-8 times around my hand to prevent me from molesting myself a second time, leaving me looking like an Egyptian mummy that's just performed a prostate exam.
The feeling of shame was soon replaced with regret, as I realised I had better things within arms reach to do the job. Even the pumice stone on the edge of my bath looked like it could do a better job than the stuff you supply.
I noticed in the news today your sales have dropped 7.5% in 3 months. Looks like it's not just the competition you can't wipe out!
Yours truly,
A very unhappy customer
briggie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2017, 08:45   #2
panelbeater
Senior Member
Click here to find out how to become a paid up member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: clacton on sea essex
Vehicle: nissan terrano 2 2.7 tdi
Posts: 1,623
Default

i have herd of figerroll but fingerroll
panelbeater is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2017, 14:13   #3
Lazy-Ferret
Senior Member
Click here to find out how to become a paid up member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Sevenoaks, Kent
Vehicle: Terrano 2.7TDi SE Touring
Posts: 5,221
Default

Lazy-Ferret is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-09-2017, 01:08   #4
macabethiel
Senior Member
Click here to find out how to become a paid up member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Derby
Vehicle: Freelander & Jeep GC 3.0
Posts: 4,415
Thumbs up B&M Deluxe Softy Quilted 4 ply- 6 rolls for £1.49 -14.9 m per roll

Sad but we have similar issues with not only cheap stuff but some of the better brands.
We currently buy this brand from B&M stores.

Two sheets passes the finger test easily we have found it to be the best value we have tried. Andrex etc might be long but you need more folds!
macabethiel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-09-2017, 01:53   #5
solarman216
Off road maniac
Click here to find out how to become a paid up member
 
solarman216's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bexhill on Sea
Vehicle: Y60 Patrol Me, 3 ltr Mrs
Posts: 17,298
Default

One of my rules are when I cannot wipe my own arse, then that is time for me to pass on, Rick
__________________
Ex banger racer now off road maniac
Lokka on the front with manual hubs
Diff lock on rear
3 inch SS straight through exhaust
Manly winch bumper with 13000 lb winch
10 spike ground anchor, with multiple straps and blocks
Super strong body cills capped with scaffold pole
20% stronger springs all round
aggressive off road tyres on wheels so just swap.
Aim to get stuck and be completely self sufficient in extraction, love getting muddy, 2ft deep is good but rare.
solarman216 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-09-2017, 11:31   #6
macabethiel
Senior Member
Click here to find out how to become a paid up member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Derby
Vehicle: Freelander & Jeep GC 3.0
Posts: 4,415
Talking Japanese paperless loos anyone tried one ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by solarman216 View Post
One of my rules are when I cannot wipe my own arse, then that is time for me to pass on, Rick
I rather like the sound of the Japanese Toilets where they have water jets and a drier built into the seat. Never tried one but I bet someone on our site has been to Japan and lived to tell the tale!
macabethiel is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 10:45.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
Images online photo albums