Aircraft faults

Deleted account DD · 11-07-2009, 20:57

Oldies but still worth a chuckle..................

Qantas Airlines: Repair Division

In case you need a laugh:
Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high
school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe
Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.. The
mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that Aussie ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing............. (I love this one!)
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

paulp · 11-07-2009, 23:15

knew there was a reason i do not fly

one more for luck

paulp

11-07-2009, 23:15	#2
paulp Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: essex Vehicle: nissan mistral 27td Posts: 1,043	flying knew there was a reason i do not fly one more for luck paulp